Nothing More Than Feelings

I feel strange,feel like there's something wrong with me. I wanna change all this, change my life, change what I do. But at the same time I regret what I had. But at the same time I don't do anything about it.
Yeah sure I ask around, make plans, tell everyone I'm making big changes but in the end I guess it's just a way to see if people will miss me. I'm making plans, not because I want to, but because if I don't I have nothing left, absolutely nothing.
Sure my friends are here, I guess they'll always be, but I'm not gonna spend my life with them.

I'm trying really hard not to show how much I miss her, how much I'd love to go back and make things right. But as soon as I open my eyes till the moment I close them I think about her, and how I could maybe done things differently or fix things now... And I well know that there's nothing I can do about it, I just lost her and that's all there is to it, but I don't have the strength to continue without her. And yet, I'm gonna have to find it and continue because I know she's not gonna stop to this, she's already going on with her new life and she's happy with it. She's not gonna feel sorry for me, she's not gonna change her mind, she's not gonna realize she made a mistake and come back... No she already forgot how she felt about me, what I meant, I'm just an ex...

But hey, there's plenty more fish in the sea !! And I ain't that fuck ugly, so I guess I'll find someone else. But the thing is I don't want someone else, I just want her and I had her and now I lost her, just like that, and there's nothing I can do about it. And that's what makes me angry, it takes two to get together but only one can ruin everything. Why the fuck didn't I get to chose ?? And she's getting over it so easily, and it's not fair, why the fuck should I suffer this much when she's the one who fucked everything up. And yeah I don't really want her to suffer, yeah I just want her to be happy.... But damn it would be nice to know that it's hard for her to, and that she too felt like shit for the past month.

Sometimes I just wish I never met her, I never fell in love with her, I never believed her when she told me it was for ever and all that shit. I wish I could just erase her, get her out of my life, out of me. Make her feel how I feel, make her see how much it hurts.
And yet I would die for her, and I would smash anyone that hurts her. But I'm not that person anymore, she's not mine anymore so it's not up to me to take care of her...
I hate myself so much for letting her mean so much to me, and I didn't meant that much to her. She was everything to me, but I wasn't everything to her, she was everything to herself. I let her become more important than anything in this world, and I lost my world when she left...

You're probably wondering why the fuck would I write this thing in English. Well I don't know why so make up something.

All I know is that you 're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen.

I wish I was your favorite boy,
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world.
I wish I was your favorite smile,
I wish the way that I dressed was your favorite kind of style.

I wish you couldn't figure me out,
But you always wanna know what I was about.
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset,
I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met.

I wish you had a favorite beauty spot that you loved secretly,
'Cos it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see.
Basically, I wish that you loved me,
I wish that you needed me,
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three.

I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

All i know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen